This Week in Westeros: "The Dragon and the Wolf" (Season 7, Episode 7 - SEASON FINALE)

WARNING: This Post is Dark and Full of SPOILERS

A.K.A. “The One Where Jon and Daenerys Finally Do It”

In King’s Landing, Team Starkgaryen meets with Queen Cersei at the Dragonpit. Like with last episode, we get some reunions that we haven’t seen in some time. Tyrion reunites with Bronn and Podrick, and the Hound with Brienne and his frankenbrother (and basically CONFIRMING CLEGANEBOWL WILL HAPPEN). It doesn’t go on as long as the reunions from last episode, but there’s not a lot of characters in the party who would be familiar with the characters in King’s Landing.

They reveal their captured wight to Cersei, who for the first time in her life looks truly frightened. Jon demonstrates that the army of the dead can be killed with fire and with dragonglass, though I don’t remember us ever seeing anyone kill a wight with dragonglass. Though I suppose if it works on the White Walkers, it should also work on their minions. Euron’s also quite shaken up over the revelation of real zombies, and he flees to the Iron Islands, since the dead can’t swim.

Cersei agrees to help Team Starkgaryen in the “great war”, on the condition that Jon and the Northern armies do not fight the Lannisters. Naturally, being Ned Stark’s son (but not really), Jon’s honor compels him to deny the queen’s request, as he has already swore fealty to another queen already. And then Cersei calls the meeting off and storms away. This the problem with being a “good guy” in Westeros: telling the truth.

So Tyrion, of all people, has to play damage control with Cersei. He’s pretty much prepared to die as soon as he steps into Cersei’s chamber to talk with her. And for what it’s worth, the scene is actually pretty tense. Being the season finale, you don’t really know what curveballs they’re going to throw at you. Especially so on a show like this, it wouldn’t be out of the question for Cersei to all of a sudden order FrankenMountain to cut Tyrion in half like a piece of pumpkin bread. But Cersei lets him talk in an emotionally charged conversation, where two estranged siblings who have been at odds for basically their entire lives get to lay all of their raw emotions on the table as one tries to convince the other to help them. So Tyrion succeeds in convincing Cersei, and she will help back the crusade North to fight the White Walkers.

He bended the knee, now he's getting ready to bend something else.

Let’s take a break from the main action and head over to Winterfell for a moment. Littlefinger continues to drive a wedge between the Stark sisters by convincing Sansa that Arya wants to kill her and take her place as Lady of Winterfell. It’s yet another continuous of the reviled “Sansa vs. Arya” arc, but the show is at least going somewhere with it this time, and here’s why.

So Sansa calls a meeting of the Northern lords and guardsman, with Arya being presented between her and Bran. We’re led to believe that Sansa is putting Arya on trial for murder and conspiracy. Nope. This is Littlefinger’s trial.

Sansa brings to light all of the shady things he had done when she travelled with her – killing her Aunt Lysa and revealing that he had started the War of the Five Kings by conspiring to kill Jon Arryn – and Bran reveals Littelfinger’s treachery towards Ned and how he was the true owner of the dagger used to try and kill Bran, even going so far as to state verbatim what Baelish said as he held the knife to Ned’s throat. None of the lords will back him up, not even Lord Royce and the Knights of the Vale, who are sworn to obey Lord Baelish as Lord Protector. Littlefinger falls to his knees with tears, begging Sansa to spare him, but Arya cuts him off with a slit throat. And so, of the most manipulative minds in Westeros is extinguished. About. Freaking. Time.

As I stated a few weeks ago, I love Littlefinger as a character, but him being the crafty SOB he is, I could not wait to watch him get his comeuppance. And boy howdy, this episode does not disappoint. This was exactly what I wanted from Littlefinger’s death: Bran using his magic eyes to reveal his treachery, Littlefinger loosing a grip on the power and allies he had built up, dying a broken man as he whimpered like a child and begged for his life, and Sansa standing victorious over him. Littlefinger was only a force to be reckoned with because he knew how to amass allies and manipulate people. And what does he become when he has no allies and can no longer manipulate those close to him? Just a man. He didn’t deserve a grandiose death. With all of his power stripped away, he deserved to die like to common street rat he is deep down.

Anyway, back to the A-story. At Dragonstone, Jon and Theon have a conversation where Jon forgives Theon for all that he’s done, and Theon reveals that he is planning to head to the Iron Islands to rescue his sister from Euron. Yara’s remaining forces don’t want to follow Theon back to the Iron Islands because they believe Yara is dead. But Theon won’t have it; his sister was the only one who would come rescue him from Ramsay, and he’ll be damned if he’s not going to repay that debt. What follows is a bloody brawl between Theon and the lead Ironborn sailor, and no matter what harsh physical punishment he is dealt, Theon will not stay down. He finally gains the upper hand when the sailor mistakenly knees Theon in the balls, but he soon finds out he cannot hurt what isn’t there. And so Theon reduces the man’s face to a bloody pulp – possibly killing him – and he and the Ironborn head out to rescue Yara. As I had predicted, Theon has finally redeemed himself after seasons of acting like a cowardly dirtbag, proving that he once again has his balls.

Back at King’s Landing, Cersei reveals to Jaime what’s really going on in her whacked-out head. She has no intention of actually helping Team Starkgaryen defeat the White Walkers, and would rather them deplete their armies fighting the dead while the Lannisters retake the land they lost. Euron wasn’t really retreating to the Iron Islands in fear, he was sailing to Essos on Cersei’s order to ferry the Golden Company – the mercenary army hired by the Iron Bank – to Westeros to join the Lannister cause. Jaime points out how stupid and vindictive this is, and how they should all be teaming up to fight the dead. Since acting against Cersei would be treason, she threatens him with FrankenMountain’s blade if he leaves her. So Jaime leaves her, but doesn’t suffer Gregor’s wrath. I guess Cersei was more bark than bite and couldn’t go through with it. Even after (FINALLY) calling out Cersei and switching sides, the Mad Queen still can’t exterminate what little family she has left. But now with this action, her family has grown smaller regardless.

"Gregor smash?"
"Gregor no smash."
"Gregor sad."

As Jaime rides off towards his new allies, snow finally begins to fall on King’s Landing. Even in a season where winter has finally come, it still takes it friggin’ forever to make it to the rest of the country.

Back at Winterfell, Sam and Gilly arrive, and Sam stops in to see Bran. Bran finally reveals the truth about Jon’s parentage to someone, and Sam chimes in with his knowledge that Rhaegar had his first marriage annulled so he could marry Lyanna Stark, making Jon and legitimate child and the true heir to the Iron Throne. And Sam doesn’t think to mention that Gilly was actually the one who found this out. Typically chauvinistic male, taking credit for the work of a woman. (Am I right, ladies?) And Bran reveals that Jon’s birth name is Aegon Targaryen, revealing that the show has combined Jon’s character with the character of Rhaegar’s surviving son Aegon from the books.

Oh, and while all this is going on, Jon and Daenerys are getting it on. Once again, the relationship feels kind of forced. When they finally make love after a season of “will they/won’t they”, it feels more like they’re doing it because the show told them to, not because the characters want to. It’s also not really helped back the fact that their sex scene is superimposed over narration from Bran talking about Jon being a Targaryen, but it’s whatever. It was a different time, and this is far from the worst incestuous couple on the show.

My only question about these scenes (beside “Should I still be on board with a nephew unknowingly banging his aunt?”) is why Sam had to tell Bran about Rhaegar’s annulment in the first place. If he knows “everything” like he claims, shouldn’t he already have seen this? Or does he have to physically “go” there in order for it to be known to him? Like most of the characters in this show, I’m still not entirely sure how this Three-Eyed Raven thing works.

And finally, at Eastwatch, the army of the dead finally makes it to the Wall. The Night King – riding his zombified Viserion – charges in and demolishes a good portion of the Wall, taking Eastwatch and possibly Tormund and Beric with it. The White Walkers and their zombie army have finally made it into Westeros.

Shit.

How's it feel to get Littlefingered?

“The Dragon and the Wolf” is a good, not great finale. It’s certainly not as bombastic as last season’s, but it’s really hard to top Cersei blowing up the Sept of Baelor and killing six or seven named characters in one fell swoop. But this episode certainly had its memorable moments: the meeting at the Dragonpit, Tyrion’s conversation with Cersei, Littlefinger’s death, Jaime’s bailing after Cersei’s reveal, and that fear-inducing ending. More than anything, this episode felt more like it wanted to set things up for the beginning of next season than to let the season end on a big bang. It certainly wasn’t as heart-stopping of a finale as last season’s, but it still had big things happening.

Final verdict: 8/10.

Overall, Season 7 was an okay one. It definitely moved at a much appreciated faster pace, and there did seem to be important things happening every episode, but the season felt like it was too afraid to take the risks that the show is known for. Who were the named casualties of the Loot Train Battle? Nobody. Jaime, Bronn, and Drogon all came inches from death, but their heavy plot armor deflected all damage. Who were the named casualties of the Wight Hunt? Thoros – who really can’t be considered a main character considering he was gone for so long that half the audience probably forgot who he was – and Viserion, and while his death proved that the seemingly invincible dragons can be killed, he barely got any characterization throughout the series and wasn’t the main dragon we all know and love.

The only "big" deaths this season were Olenna Tyrell, Littlefinger, and Viserion, and considering this is the same show that has killed off its main cast out of nowhere several times, it felt kind of disappointing that the show has seemingly lost a bit of it’s bite. It has strayed away from the realistic approach to a high fantasy world to almost giving us the same high fantasy tropes and clichés that it had previously deconstructed. Mirroring my thoughts on this episode, the whole season felt like it was more concerned with setting up pieces for the next season, especially in the department of making sure main characters survive no matter what.

But I still enjoyed this season. We got a lot of awesome moments with Daenerys and her dragons, we’ve gotten to see more of the White Walkers than we ever have before, we’re getting a lot of new and exciting alliances, and the army of the dead have finally started their invasion of Westeros. It’s hard to believe we’re almost at the end, but I couldn’t be more excited for this big zombie apocalypse of an ending.

Matt Reviews: Death Note (2017)

WARNING: SPOILERS to come

So it happened again, huh? I guess we didn’t learn anything from Dragonball: Evolution.

For those unfamiliar with the story of Death Note, here’s how the movie presents it:

Light Turner (played by Nat Wolff) is a troubled, yet highly intelligent high school boy. (We know he’s incredibly intelligent because he does people’s homework for them for money.) His father is a cop, yet was unable to do anything to prevent the man who killed Light’s mother from getting off. But then Light comes in possession of a Death Note, and meets the death god Ryuk (Willem Dafoe). As Ryuk explains, if you write someone’s name down in the Death Note, that person dies. The writer can also personalize how the person dies, what time they die, and can even influence a person’s actions for a short time before their death. So Light – along with his love interest-turned-girlfriend Mia Sutton (Margaret Qualley) – set out to right the wrongs of the world by killing off the world’s worst killers and scumbags under the name “Kira” (the Japanese word for “killer”). The only person who has the power to stand in Light’s way is an enigmatic private investigator known as L (Lakeith Stanfield), who is determined to stay one step ahead of Kira and figure out their true identity.

So getting the elephant in the room out of the way, this is not a good adaptation of the Death Note anime. It takes everything that made the original work great and turns them so backwards and generic that they’re near unrecognizable. Light is an utterly unlikeable protagonist. In the anime, Light Yagami (not “Turner”, like this stupid Americanization made him) is a star pupil, a popular kid, and a model son. His surface appearance as an all-around good boy only serves to mask the sociopathic serial killer with a god complex underneath, and the series focuses a lot on Light’s games to try and keep this appearance up.

The movie, however, decides to portray him as every troubled emo stereotype rolled into one. He’s moody, he’s an outcast, he’s got stupid bleached hair, and while the movie tries to claim he’s highly intelligent, we don’t really see that. The movie also invents that new backstory about his mother being killed, and while it does provides a baseline for his motivation to kill killers, I found him much more interesting of a character when he came from a normal home and upbringing, yet still managed to be a troubled criminal mastermind. Above all, Light is supposed to be a cool character, and this movie completely ruined whatever sense of intrigue we were supposed to feel for this character when he flips out and screams like a little girl when he first meets Ryuk.

His girlfriend Mia (the movie’s version of Misa Amane), isn’t much better. She’s so far removed from the anime character she’s an adaptation of that I can barely call her the same character. But, once again, the movie gets it wrong, but not in an entirely unwelcome way. First off, she’s Light’s girlfriend in the movie. In the anime, Misa was deliriously in love with Light for what he’s done as Kira, but Light has no real emotional connection to her and uses her feelings for him to his own twisted, calculated needs. With Light’s reciprocated feelings, it turns their dynamic from a Joker-and-Harley-Quinn relationship to an indie movie teen couple who bond over murder. However, it does change Mia’s/Misa’s character so that she is more ruthless than Light in the movie, with her crossing lines that he wouldn’t have and making her a more antagonistic, Lady MacBeth-type character. It didn’t exactly make me like her more, but it did make her more memorable and interesting than Anime Misa.

"You've spun your last web, Spider-Man!"

There are a few characters the movie gets right. Not a lot, but a few. Well, two. First of all is Ryuk, the death god-demon-thing. Willem Dafoe was the perfect casting choice for this guy. He’s got the voice, he’s got the mannerisms, and he’s got the creepy face for Ryuk. (Though, that may have been CGI in the movie.) They changed his character so that he now actively participates in goading Light to use the Death Note – and even carries out the Note’s death sentences in one scene – rather than just being a third party observer like in the show, but this didn’t bother me too much. What did bother me was how, even though the movie tried to increase his role in Light’s killings, Ryuk was still pushed to the sidelines. He’s supposed to be constantly there over Light’s shoulder doling out snarky quips and eating apples, kind of like an angel or devil on his shoulder. Here, he just kind of drops in and out of the story whenever the plot needs him. He’s gone for so many scenes that you almost forget about him completely until he shows up again. Also, the movie features a scene where Light finds a note in the Death Note warning him not to trust Ryuk, but nothing comes of this.

L is also a bright spot in this hot mess. They wrote him close to how the anime depicted him – a quirky introvert who responds to everything with levelheaded logic – and you can tell the actor is trying hard to portray that personality. The problem is that the character’s personality and his physical appearance in this movie don’t really add up. He’s much too well groomed and good-looking to be entirely believable as the character they’ve set up for L. It seems more like the character design they had for Light would work better for L, and the character design for L would work better for Light.

The movie also kind of derails L’s character towards the climax. After Light kills L’s butler, guardian and best (and possible only) friend Watari, L goes off the deep end and tries to kill Light, whom he correctly deduces to be Kira. While this does add more of a human connection to the character by showing that he can be emotional when a big part of his life was taken from him, it also betrays the calm tactical mind that the movie had tried to set up beforehand. However, to the actor's credit, he gives a much more convincing performance during this last half. Ironically enough, he gives some of the best performances in the movie when he stops trying to act like the character he's trying to portray.

Also, the movie throws in this concept where L meets up with his clients in person, concealing his identity through a hood and a mask that covers half his face. (In the anime, he strictly meets with clients over the phone or the Internet, and heavily modulates his voice so it’s harder to find him. He only ever meets people in person if he personally chooses them to be trustworthy.) L reveals his face to Light in an attempt to prove he is Kira, but after that, he seems to ditch the “hiding his face in public” thing altogether. It just seems like whatever character they were trying to establish at the beginning, it’s not the same character we wound up with.

The pacing is one of the biggest issues of this movie, due to the fact that it tries to cram so much into one movie. In an hour and forty minutes, it tries to introduce our protagonists, introduce Light to the Death Note and Ryuk, have him start killing people, bring Mia into his secret life, have them both killing people, amassing a following as Kira, introduce L, have him investigate Light and correctly deduce that he is Kira, and have an ongoing cat-and-mouse game playing between Light, L, and the police. That’s practically half the original series right there, and they desperately try to squeeze all this into a single hundred-minute film. Naturally, it constantly feels rushed and there’s no real time to get a grasp on what the characters are.

"Oh my god, please sit like a normal person."
"No. I'm Batman."

As much as I’ve complained about the changes they made from the anime, I do not mind when adaptations alter things from the source material. Changes keep adaptations from just being the same exact thing over again, and as long as the changes still keep the heart of the story and characters true to the original, I don’t mind them. Here, this barely holds the soul of what Death Note is. Death Note is this cerebral crime drama. It’s a Machiavellian game of cat-and-mouse between two opposing super genius constantly at odds to stop the other and find out each other’s true identities. It forces you to accept a mass murderer as your protagonist, and you can’t help but want him to win because he’s just so damn compelling of a character.

None of that is here. There’s no rivalry between Light and L, and they definitely don’t feel like intellectual equals. L’s a detective, sure, but Light is no schemer. He only just barely manages to weasel his way out of situations, and even then, L and his dad still manage to put two and two together. There’s a scene where L holds him at gunpoint after tracking him down following Watari’s death, and Light basically confesses right there that he’s Kira while sniveling like a baby. This is supposed to be Light? This is supposed to be L’s great rival? No, this is just some dork with bleached hair who came upon great power, and whose girlfriend is more of a ruthless schemer than he is.

The only time where Light’s character feels true and where the movie starts to feel like classic Death Note is at the ending, where Light singlehandedly orchestrates Mia’s death, manipulates criminals to save his life and continue the killings while he is in a coma to throw off the scent, has those criminals dispose of themselves, and manages to negate the effects of a page where Mia wrote that Light’s heart will stop at midnight (the movie adds in a loophole that a written death with not have an effect if the page is burned before the time of death is reached). And while it is cool to see Light act like the chessmaster he’s supposed to be in this adaptation, it doesn’t feel earned. This the same guy who, only a few scenes prior, blurted out to L at gunpoint that a page of the Death Note was hidden in Mia’s textbook, which possibly leads to his ambiguous demise. The movie may be trying to show how someone like Movie Light could grow to become a schemer like Anime Light, but I didn’t believe it.

I watched this movie with two different people: someone who had seen the anime like me, and someone unfamiliar with Death Note. Neither one of them thought it was a good movie. It tries much to hard to be “edgy” and “mature”, throwing around F-bombs and over-the-top gore. I’m not sure if it was trying to go for something more serious, but I don’t think there’s a single scene in this movie I could take seriously, from Light’s wimpy characterization to the bombastic 80’s-inspired soundtrack often ruining scenes of suspense to a kid getting half his head exploded off when a ladder slams into his face. (And yes, in a movie with magic notebooks and death gods, this scene is still one of the most unbelievable.)

My friend who had never seen Death Note said that the movie had a good concept, but was weighed down by everything else. Had there been no other Death Note properties prior to this, this movie would stand on its own as a corny teen romance indie movie-meets-Final Destination mash-up that’s trying to hard to be dark and edgy, with an interesting concept buried underneath. But it’s a real shame that with such a unique and compelling series that the movie can’t do it justice and doesn’t do well at making others interested in the Death Note universe.

"It's not a diary, Mom! It's a journal!"

If I ever watch this movie again, it’ll probably be one of those movies I put on with my friends to make fun of. It’s not a “so bad it’s good movie” all the way through, but it is a textbook example of how badly America can mess up when they make adaptations of Japanese anime. They took a smart TV show and turned it into a dumb movie.

Final verdict: 4/10.

Oh, and the movie also fails because it doesn’t include the famous potato chip scene. It’s like they didn’t even try to be Death Note.

This Week in Westeros: "Beyond the Wall" (Season 7, Episode 6)

WARNING: This Post is Dark and Full of SPOILERS

A.K.A. “The One That Got Leaked Early”

So as the title of the episode implies, this episode takes place mostly beyond the Wall with Jon and the rest of the Magnificent Seven on their quest to bring back a zombie for Cersei. So before I dive into that stuff, let’s check up and see what’s happening in the other parts of Westeros.

In Winterfell, Sansa and Arya have their big confrontation about Arya’s letter. I still don’t entirely get why this is such a big deal. Like I said last week, the stuff with Sansa asking Robb to swear fealty to Joffrey was a long time ago, and although Arya doesn’t believe her, she was forced by Cersei to do it. Arya does bring up the point that the Northern lords might not support Sansa if they found this out, and especially not Lyanna Mormont. The excuse “But I was just a child when I did that” won’t really fly for a literal ten-year-old who rules and entire island. But again, Sansa was a different person back then. This just feels like conflict for the sake of conflict.

Sansa also finds Arya’s stash of rubber Halloween masks – I mean, magic faces – and Arya goes full-on Hannibal Lector, calmly threatening to cut off her sister’s face. But she doesn’t and leaves Sansa with the valyrian steel knife. Um…creepy? Yeah, I don’t know what that scene was supposed to accomplish, but I’m definitely more afraid of Arya now and not in a good way.

And I guess Bran is just chilling out in a corner somewhere not intervening. Apparently after telling everyone about the Night King approaching Eastwatch, he said, “Well, that’s enough being useful for a while” and then took a nap.

At Dragonstone, Daenerys and Tyrion reach some ideological disagreements and I don’t really want to talk about this stuff anymore, I just want to talk about what’s going on beyond the Wall.

There’s a lot that happens here, so I’ll try to keep it brief and interject my opinions where necessary.

So the Magnificent Seven – and a few Random Extras ™ - are headed to find a wight to prove to Cersei that the dead are coming. They start the episode by bonding with one another over the places their pasts have overlapped and other tidbits to connect them. They pair off into characters we haven’t really seen interact before – like the Hound and Tormund, and Jon and Beric Dondarrion – and they all honestly have really good chemistry with one another. To the show’s benefit, these are all characters I really like. (Well, I wouldn’t say I like Beric and Thoros of Myr, but how can you hate an undead warrior and his magic priest who both wield flaming swords?)

*lightsaber noises*

The Suicide Squad encounter their first threat in the form of a polar bear. Oh I’m sorry, I understated that. They encounter a ZOMBIE POLAR BEAR who rips Thoros a new one and nearly kills him, and they burn the zombified Coca-Cola mascot alive (well, burn it dead). The inclusion of zombie animals is always cool to show the extension of the White Walkers’ powers and adds variety to the kinds of enemies faced by our heroes. A shame we never get to see creatures like this in the rest of the episode, but it was a cool, scary scene.

As a side note, we don’t get to see the zombie giants seen in the season premiere, so I’m assuming they’re saving that good stuff for later.

The Expendables ambush a group of wights and their White Walker leader. Jon kills the Walker, and they – as well as the audience – discover that whatever wights were raised by a White Walker die with that Walker. Only one wight remains of the group, and they take him prisoner. I’ve dubbed him Walter the Wight.

Well Walter won’t stop screaming, which leads to the Fellowship of the Wight being ambushed by the White Walkers’ army. Gendry rushes back to Eastwatch to get a raven to Daenerys before all is lost. A shame he’s gone for most of the fighting. I was looking forward to the return of Hammer Time. The remaining members of the group fight off the wights until they are forced to take refuge on a small island in the middle of a frozen lake. The lake is too brittle for the wights to cross without falling into the water, so the opposing forces are at a stalemate. Our heroes are stuck in the middle of a frozen wasteland, surrounded by zombies who can’t do anything but stare at them. I guess zombies can’t swim.

While everyone is waiting around, Thoros freezes to death, checking off one of my predicted deaths for this episode and solidifying that nobody can come back from the dead anymore. The Hound is bored just waiting around, so he passes the time by throwing rocks at one of the wights. And then the wights realize that the ice isn’t thin anymore when one of the heavy rocks lands on the ice and it doesn’t break. Clegane’s own boredom basically doomed everyone. One of the stupider character moments of the episode, but I’ll be damned if I wasn’t laughing when I realized they were screwed.

So Westeros’ Dungeons & Dragons party continues to fight the undead, and just when all seems lost, Daenerys shows up with all three of her dragons to TORCH THOSE FREAKING ZOMBIES. This season is really spoiling us with awesome dragon stuff, but I love it for that.

But then the Night King picks up an ice javelin and hurls it at one of the dragons, Viserion. This time around, a giant, pointed projectile fired at a dragon is much more effective. Viserion falls through the ice, dead. And there it is. The big wham moment of the episode. After seasons of seeing them as indestructible killing machines that inspire fear everywhere they go, we finally see one of them taken down by a more powerful force. But then again, this dragon wasn’t Drogon – the “poster boy” dragon – so I feel that the emotional impact isn’t as strong as it should be considering we don’t know Viserion as well as we do our boy Big D.

Hope everyone's enjoying the Sunday barbeque.

Everyone else leaves on Drogon while Jon stays behind to fight zombies and kill the Night King…I think? I don’t know, he doesn’t really say why he wants everyone to leave without him (except for the show to create extra drama), but this is the answer that makes the most sense since earlier they were talking about how killing the Night King would probably end the wight army. He falls through the ice and seemingly drowns, but gets back up…somehow. He’s going to need rescuing fast if he’s to get out of here before he dies of hypothermia or is torn to shreds by wights. So who comes to save him? Is it the other dragon, Rhaegal, who will allow Jon to ride him like the Targaryen that he really is?

No, it’s Zombie Uncle Benjen Stark, who only has time to say two sentences to Jon before he puts him on his horse, sends him away, and sacrifices himself fighting wights. I really don’t see why he couldn’t have just hopped on the horse with Jon and gotten out of there with him. He just says “There’s no time”, and then tries to pull a “You Shall Not Pass” on the zombies, but only fights off maybe five before he dies. I guess maybe he realized that he wouldn’t be much use to Jon since the magic of the Wall won’t let him travel to the other side, but I still think this is a major waste in potential by not having Jon and Benjen have a little more time to get reacquainted, considering Benjen was the MAIN REASON JON JOINED THE NIGHT’S WATCH IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Jon arrives back in Daenreys’ care, and she finally sees that Ser Davos wasn’t exaggerating with that whole “he took a knife in the heart” spiel. Jon finally bends the knee to Daenerys (without actually physically bending the knee), and I’m starting to realize that some of the chemistry between Jon and Dany feels a little forced. I want these two to end up together, don’t get me wrong, but I want it to feel natural. I mean, as natural as a romance between a nephew and aunt can be. (Man, this show is weird.)

And so the episode ends with the army of the dead dragging Viserion out of the water (using some giant-ass chains that I guess were just lying around somewhere), and the Night King awakens the dragon, only his eyes are blue.

After last episode skimped out on the season’s White Walker battle, I’m glad that this one focused almost entirely on our murderous band of misfits off to find the Wonderful Wizard of Wight. The scenery is gorgeous with all the snow and frozen landscapes, as to be expected from scenes beyond the Wall. The fight scenes with the wights are well choreographed and exciting, and that final push with the dragons raining hellfire from above was exhilarating. And the fact that the White Walkers now have a zombie dragon in their rank has me really pumped for what’s to come.

The dragon’s death was tragic, but unfortunately, it was already spoiled for me after I accidentally saw something about it once the episode leaked. However, the spoiler never said what dragon died. I assumed it would be Drogon to bite the dust, so I was still surprised. Honestly, the scarce amount of casualties in the episode surprised me, too. The only named characters to die are Thoros and Viserion, with the majority of the casualties being the unnamed Random Extras ™. I was honestly expecting either Tormund, Jorah, or Beric to not make it out alive either, and it was touch-and-go with the Hound there at times. I’m guessing the season finale is going to take a cue from Season 6’s finale when it comes to killing characters left and right.

Benjen’s reappearance and sacrifice was ultimately pointless, and it felt like the writers brought the character back just to their could give him a conclusion of some sorts, regardless of how rushed and unsatisfying it was. Also, so far it’s proving kind of pointless that they brought back Gendry considering he didn’t even get to participate in most of the battle. The stuff with Arya and Sansa isn’t all that interesting by comparison, but I also can’t get fully behind their manufactured feud. Whenever it cut back to them at Winterfell, I was at the other end of the screen screaming “OH MY GOD, CUT BACK TO THE ZOMBIES.”

And now, representing the Land of Always Winter in the javelin throwing competition...

There’s a lot of plot holes to pick at in the episode, but most of them didn’t bother me too much. A lot of characters don’t make entirely logical decisions, but for the most part, I can come up with an explanation that satisfies me. (Except for why Dany didn’t have the dragons nuke the White Walkers before they flew off. I mean…they were just standing there.) But the episode was a satisfying battle overall. Good fight scenes, good drama, and a heartbreaking ending, with a lot of stupid mixed in.

Next week’s the season finale, so y’all better strap in for some balls-to-the-wall crazy crap to go down.

Final verdict: 7/10

So before the episode came out, there was some discrepancy as to whether the episode title was “Beyond the Wall” or “Death is the Enemy.” I saw many sources conflicted over the actual title before the episode aired and revealed it. Honestly, I thought “Death is the Enemy” to be the better title.