Matt Reviews - Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

WARNING: SPOILERS

Like, so many SPOILERS, dude

Christmas came early this year, and Rian Johnson gave us the greatest gift of all: a sequel to The Force Awakens that’s not just a remake of The Empire Strikes Back.

Following the events of the previous movie, Rey (Daisy Ridley) has tracked down Jedi Master Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), and she must convince the jaded Jedi Knight to join her cause and realize there is still good in his fallen apprentice and nephew Kylo Ren (Adam Driver). Meanwhile, the villainous First Order rises in power. As Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac) buts heads with Resistance Vice Admiral Holdo (Laura Dern), he hatches a plan with Finn (John Boyega) and newcomer Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran) to take down the First Order, which takes them to an intergalactic casino and into the ranks of the First Order itself.

Okay, there were a lot of awesome scenes in this movie, so before I get into the pros and cons of the film, I just want to show appreciation to some of my favorite scenes.

Luke callously throwing away his father’s lightsaber after we’ve waited two years to see how he’d respond to Rey handing it to him. Leia using the Force to save herself from death. Rey visiting the Dark Side pit, and all of the trippy imagery that comes with it. Yoda’s ghost visiting Luke. Admiral Holdo sacrificing herself by ramming Snoke’s ship at lightspeed. Luke channeling a Force projection from across the galaxy to face his nephew and give Leia Han’s dice (which is one of the few movie scenes to actually make me cry in a theater.) And my favorite scene: Kylo getting the upper hand on Snoke, killing him in his hubris, and then teaming up with Rey to fight off Snoke’s samurai guards, in one of the best lightsaber battles in the entire franchise.

Alright, now that that’s out of the way, let’s actually review this movie.

The movie has a lot of themes that work really well with the narrative, as well as a metatextual commentary on the franchise. One of the big ones is letting go of the past. This phrase mainly comes from Kylo, as he’s struggling to let go of his family and who he is so that he can be fully immersed in the power of the Dark Side. But this message also rings true for several of the other characters. Rey is obsessed with finding out who she is, even willing to tap into the Dark Side to find answers. It’s only when she learns that she quite literally comes from nothing can she let go of who she was and start focusing on who she’s going to be. Luke is also heavily weighed down by the past, specifically his failure of his nephew that led him straight to the First Order. But he eventually learns to forgive himself, and the Rebel hero Luke Skywalker is back. The old ways of the Force are left behind, with the deaths of Luke Skywalker and Snoke, who represent the Jedi and (presumably) the Sith. The paragons of the Force are now the apprentices, who are willing to cast aside the old ways of the Jedi and the Sith for something new. The franchise as a whole is even learning to let go of the past. By this movie, Han and Luke are both dead, and Leia is probably not far behind them considering Carrie Fisher’s passing, so this leaves the Star Wars saga almost entirely in the hands of our new main characters. And of course, this movie branched off into a new direction for the Star Wars saga, unlike The Force Awakens, which was more concerned with giving us something familiar to get us back into Star Wars before trying something new.

Disney's live action remake of Up looks weird.

Morality is also something tackled in this movie, and so many characters in this movie have layers. This theme is brilliantly explained when Benecio del Toro’s character reveals to Finn that the “bad guy” that he stole his ship from designed weapons for the Resistance as well as the First Order. It’s kind of a heavy, realistic subject matter to tackle in a Star Wars movie, but it fits for diving into the morality of war. Of course, this “shades of gray” theme is seen in a lot of our characters. Previous Star Wars movies made the Force to be a very “good vs evil” or “light vs dark” conflict, but Luke explains there’s so much more than that. Luke himself is a very morally gray character, as seen in his backstory where his brief consideration to kill his nephew over fear of his power led him to become Kylo Ren. Luke isn’t the hero he used to be, but he’s also not a complete villain either. Rey and Kylo both have the opposing sides of the Force within them. Rey is a good guy, yet she’s more open to seeing the benefits of the Dark Side. Kylo is a bad guy, yet he’s conflicted, and even offers to throw off the labels of the First Order to build something else with Rey. These two characters show just what I want from this new trilogy. It’s not just light vs dark, it’s something new, showing that the Force is more than just labels like “Jedi” and “Sith”.

Everyone puts in a great performance in this movie, but I feel special mention has to go to Mark Hamill. He is at his best in this movie, and this is a man who has expertly played the definitive version of the Joker for over twenty years. He’s a broken man at this point in his life. He’s closed off, yet vulnerable. We see his pain, his fear, his regrets, his sorrow. And it’s not just in his words, it’s in his actions, in his face. He can seamlessly switch between serious and snarky at a moment’s notice. It’s a wildly different character than what Hamill’s used to playing, but it’s still recognizably Luke Skywalker. Carrie Fisher is also acting her ass off in this movie, playing a powerhouse general who basically steals any scene she’s in. It’s a real shame she’s not going to be in the next one, but I’m glad she’s able to go out on such a high note.

How are the new characters? For the most part, they all pretty fine. The best one of the bunch is Rose. She’s plucky, yet she’s got a sad backstory. She’s vulnerable enough to cry over her sister’s death, yet she’s strong enough to be willing to nearly sacrifice herself to save Finn. Kelly Marie Tran has such good chemistry with everyone she interacts with that she seamlessly fits into the clique of the rest of the main characters we already know. Moving on to other characters, Admiral Holdo is fine, but she’s not as fleshed out as she could be. But her sacrifice was pretty awesome, so I guess she’s cool in my book. Benecio del Toro’s character (who I guess is named DJ) gets some cool lines, but he’s probably the weakest here. Maybe he’ll have more to do if he’s in the next movie. Also, what is up with his random occasional stutter? Does that ever get explained?

While the new characters certainly get some love, Captain Phasma still gets the freaking shaft. Even after they made an entire novel and a comic book miniseries based around her, she still gets barely any screentime and is apparently killed after one fight scene – her first on screen fight scene in the franchise, mind. There’s been so much potential for this character wasted that I’m wondering if they gave her own book and comic series as a preemptive apology for not doing more with her in the movies. All I’m saying is Episode IX better be titled Revenge of Phasma or I’m gonna be pissed.

"Buy our toys!"

 I feel like the Porgs need to be mentioned, since they were a massive part of the marketing. The Porgs are the Minions of this movie: cute little highly marketable characters who exist for comic relief and to make all the girls in the audience go “Awwww”. I compared them to the Minions, but that’s a bit unfair to the Porgs. They’re fine for the role they serve. They never overstay their welcome, and they’re okay comic relief for the most part. They’re not annoying like Jar Jar, but never become integral to the story like the Ewoks. They’re just kind of…there.

The movie plays with the audience’s expectations of things and in the process, winds up taking a lot of risks that I think pay off. A lot of the questions fans had after seeing The Force Awakens get answered, but not in the way anyone would think. What’s Luke’s first response after Rey hands him his old lightsaber? He chucks it into the ocean in disgust. Who is Snoke, and what are his plans? Doesn’t matter, because Kylo Ren kills him off and usurps his position. Who are Rey’s parents? Junkies who sold Rey for drinking money. That last one is especially brilliant because it takes away a lot of the Mary Sue qualities that people complained about in Rey. She’s not a Skywalker or a Kenobi or a part of anything bigger. She’s quite literally a nobody, but it’s through her actions that she’s able to become a part of something bigger. It shows that in this galaxy, you don’t necessarily have to come from greatness to achieve greatness. Admittedly, I’m a little disappointed that due to Snoke’s death, we probably won’t be learning much more about him, but it was done in such a beautiful way that I can’t be mad. Plus, they might do an expanded universe novel on him or something.

There’s a lot of new stuff with the Force in this movie, and it’s all really cool. Rey and Kylo can communicate through some sort of “Force link” set up by Snoke, and Luke is powerful enough with the Force to project an astral image of himself from across the galaxy. They’re new abilities (though they could have shown up in the old expanded universe), and they all fit in naturally with the pre-existing Force abilities. Also, that scene of Rey searching for answers in the Dark Side pit – with all of the mirror-Reys – has beautifully trippy imagery straight out of Doctor Strange. Rian Johnson brought a heavy dose of mysticism back to Star Wars and the Force and I’m in love with it.

Alright, I’ve talked a lot about the pros, let’s discuss the cons. The film feels like it goes on for a bit longer than it should have. Kylo’s betrayal of Snoke and the subsequent fight alongside Rey was the high point of the film for me, and it was the moment that the entire theater erupted into applause. It almost feels like the movie could have ended not long after that, since it felt so much like the emotionally charged climax. But after that, we’ve still got the final battle on Crait and Luke’s sacrifice to deal with. This is still good stuff, but for me, it didn’t get much better than that aforementioned fight scene, and the last third of the film felt like it dragged a little bit due to the placement of such an awesome scene.

Also, the timetable the film sets up is a problem. Poe mentions at one point that the Resistance ship has eighteen hours of fuel left and can’t jump to lightspeed, which is why Finn and Rose need to go on their mission. However, while all this is going on, Rey’s having her training with Luke, and it’s clear that days have passed in her storyline. I guess you could argue that time could move differently on Ach-To, or Rey’s story and the rest of the movie are on slightly different timetables, but it definitely feels like more than eighteen hours have passed in this story.

You'll always be our princess, general.

Is this a perfect Star Wars movie? No. Did I like it better than The Force Awakens? Yes, mostly because of how different and new it felt compared to that one. It had so many heart-pounding awesome moments that didn’t rely on nostalgia that it’s hard for me not to feel something for it. Do I think it’s the best one since Empire Strikes Back? Yes, but Empire is still much better. Will it be remembered as one of the best Star Wars movies? I certainly hope so. Ideally, I hope that ten years down the road, when Rian Johnson’s other Star Wars trilogy is underway, people use this movie as comparison. “This movie’s the best one since The Last Jedi.”

The best part of this movie is how I have no idea where the saga is going from here. At the end of The Force Awakens, I had a general idea of what Episode VIII would be: Rey trains with Luke, and we get some continuation of Kylo’s internal struggle. At the end of this movie, I don’t have an inkling as to what Episode IX will be about. And I love that. We’re in new and uncharted territory, and I couldn’t be more excited. The only theory I have so far is that Episode IX should start with Leia’s funeral, in a quick and tactful way to deal with Carrie Fisher’s death.

Also, maybe Phasma comes back all crispy from the explosion looking for revenge, since she’s supposed to a survivor and all, yet that cool part of her character is only on the expanded universe. (Sorry. Much like the planet Crait, I’m salty.)

People seem to be pretty split on this movie, and I can see why. It’s a lot to take in in one movie. It takes a lot of risks with the sage, and it results in being quite a different Star Wars movie than what we’re used to. For what it’s worth, I really liked it for those reasons. It’s one of those movies that I feel may need a second viewing for some to really get a reading on it, and I may need to go back again to really solidify my feelings on it. But for right now, Star Wars is definitely back on top again.

Oh, and the cinematography and visuals are stunning. Don’t know if I mentioned that in this review somewhere.

Absolute eye candy.

Final verdict: 8.5/10

So has anyone heard how Ferdinand is doing at the box office? Also, how come there’s always some half-baked kids movie trying to go up against the latest Star Wars movie?

Matt Reviews: Phasma (by Delilah S. Dawson)

One of my favorite things about Star Wars is how they can take a minor character from the movies and make an entire book about them. Oh, you wanted another book about Luke or Han? Too bad, here’s a Captain Phasma book!

Resistance spy Vi Moradi is captured by the First Order and interrogated by a red-armored Stormtrooper called Cardinal. The only thing Cardinal wants to know is information on how to take down his rival: Captain Phasma. What follows is Vi regaling Cardinal with the story of Phasma’s past on the harsh, barren planet Parnassos and her encounter with First Order General Brendol Hux – the father of the current General Hux – that eventually led to her induction into the First Order.

The best part of the book is getting to see Phasma in action. There was much criticism when The Force Awakens came out and Captain Phasma, the much hyped-up chrome colored Stormtrooper played by the talented Gwendoline Christie, only had a few minutes of screen time and didn’t even get to do anything cool. In this book, we see her fight, we see her kill, and – most importantly – we finally see her character. In The Force Awakens, her character was more or less “Finn’s boss.” In this book, we see she’s a survivor. Because of the unforgiving, Mad Max-like environment she grew up in, she’s willing to betray her friends, her family, and anyone else she cares about if it means ensuring her own survival. Phasma’s only true loyalty is to herself. More or this, this book is one big explanation as to why she so willingly lowered the shields for the Resistance in The Force Awakens and basically betrayed the First Order.

But here’s the problem with the book: Phasma is the focus, but she isn’t the main character. Most of the novel is a story being told by a Resistance spy, and the only reason she knows this story is because she interviewed someone from Phasma’s past. Meaning that even in the story about Phasma, the viewpoint character is not Phasma. Sure, we learn a lot about Phasma’s background and her motivations through this story, but it would have been so much more interesting if the story took us inside Phasma’s head to see the inner workings of someone so willing to throw everyone else to the wolves if it means she lives another day.

When it’s not on that story, the rest of the novel is from the viewpoint of either Vi or Cardinal. Honestly, Cardinal felt more like the main character of the Phasma book than Phasma herself. He’s a more sympathetic, idealistic character who goes through the character arc of gradually becoming disillusioned with the First Order he once believed was genuinely the right path, and his quest to destroy Phasma’s image as the ideal soldier.

The other problems I have with the story are just personal preferences. For example, the novel has this gimmick where Phasma’s backstory is told in past tense like most books, but the framing device with Vi and Cardinal is told in present tense. I was always taught to use only one tense when writing something, and that tense should usually be the past one, so this stylistic choice ended up being kind of distracting to me. It’s not necessarily anything wrong with the book or Delilah Dawson’s writing style, just a pet peeve of mine.

In addition, I also wished that the story had focused more on Phasma’s rise through the ranks of the First Order. For some reason, I have this strange fascination with learning more about the First Order and how they work. Maybe it’s because they’re a new, relatively unknown entity in the new continuity, maybe it’s because I desperately want more glimspes at the enigmatic Supreme Leader Snoke. The stuff on Parnassos isn’t bad at all, but I do kind of wish the quest to find Brendol Hux’s ship was only the fist half of the book, while the second half dealt with Phasma’s time in the First Order and how her rivalry with Cardinal took shape.

All in all, Phasma is an okay book. The wandering focus leaves something to be desired, but it is nice to have a backstory for a character that was shafted in her first appearance. And it will be neat going into these movies with Phasma’s backstory tucked away in the back of my mind. It might actually make some of her actions more significant with this knowledge.

You know, if the movies take this backstory as canon at all.

Final verdict: 7.5/10

So now that we have a Phasma book, who do I have to talk to at Disney to get a Kit Fisto novel made?

Matt Reviews - Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

WARNING: SPOILERS, I guess?

Previously, on Matt Reviews A Star Wars Movie…

In the debate on which is the worst prequel – The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones – it was decided that Attack of the Clones was worse due to how unmemorable and dull it was.

Now, a different question still remains. Which is the better prequel: Revenge of the Sith or Rogue One?

I’d rewatched Rogue One fairly recently enough to where it’s still fresh in my mind, but seeing as how it’s been about ten years since I’ve seen Revenge of the Sith, let’s revisit that one.

The end of the Clone Wars is dawning. As Jedi Knights Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) take care of the remaining Seperatist leaders, forces from within strive to drive them apart. Fearing the predicted death of his pregnant wife Padme (Natalie Portman), Anakin turns to the teachings of Chancellor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) to save her, which leads him down a path to the Dark Side that will eventually transform him into Darth Vader.

Unfortunately for Episode III, it falls into many of the same pitfalls that tripped up Episode II. The romance between Padme and Anakin is still god-awful. No chemistry, eye-rolling dialogue that belongs in a crappy Hallmark movie, yadda yadda, you’ve heard all of these complaints before. Fortunately, and unlike the previous prequel, the romance doesn’t take up half of the runtime. It’s mercifully relegated to a subplot that feeds into Anakin’s turn to the Dark Side. Unfortunately, this does mean that Padme has practically nothing to do in this movie as compared to the previous one. At least in Attack of the Clones, Padme participated in the climax, kicking ass and taking names. In Revenge of the Sith, her entire role is to stand around, be pregnant, and complain about Anakin turning evil. Oh, and die. Can’t forget that.

Side note: How does her pregnancy exactly work in this movie? We never really get a good glimpse as to the progression of her term throughout the movie, so we have no idea how far along she was when she dropped the news to Anakin. Given the timeframe of this movie, this either means that A) Anakin had been gone from Padme for quite some time, to the point where her pregnancy was already quite far along by the time she told him, B) this movie takes place over the course of over half a year to give Padme enough time to come to term, which means the Jedi are moving at a snail’s pace to capture General Grievous and end the war, or C) Padme went through some sort of magic Jedi-pregnancy that accelerated her term greatly and allowed her to carry and deliver twins in two hours and twenty minutes. Regardless, sometime about the timeline in this movie doesn’t make any sense.

How much funnier would this scene have been if it played out like
Raiders of the Lost Ark's scimitar scene?

The writing in this movie is still not an improvement over the previous prequels, particularly in the dialogue. Ian McDiarmid’s delightfully hammy performance of Palpatine makes the majority of his stupid lines enjoyable, and the same can be said for Ewan McGregor’s snarky and fun outing as Obi-Wan. But once again, the major faults in the writing can be truly seen any time Hayden Christensen opens his mouth. His acting ability hasn’t really changed since Attack of the Clones, but at least he looks more threatening to go along with his switch to the Dark Side. That longer hair, dark robes, and Edgy Face Scar™ really do his character more justice than that gross-ass rat-tail from the previous movie.

The film introduces the new villain General Grievous to the big screen, and despite being one of the film’s primary antagonists, he barely leaves a mark. He’s got a cool and menacing design, a neat gimmick involving collecting lightsabers from fallen Jedi, a unique fighting style involving four arms, and he’s an important figure as the leader of the droid army, and yet he feels incredibly wasted in terms of potential. He’s got all of these cool character attributes about him, and yet they decide to make his character a coward, always looking to escape from battle rather than face his opponent. The dude’s basically a killer cyborg skeleton spider, and they make his two defining character traits coughing and running away. By the time the movie was wrapping up, I had almost completely forgotten Grievous was a character in the film. If it weren’t for the two Clone Wars cartoons, I would have no idea how big of a deal Grievous really is in the grand scheme of the Clone Wars. But judging his presence in this film on it’s own, he’s unimpressive.

The same thing can kind of be said for Count Dooku, who exists literally to die at the beginning of the movie to show Anakin being evil and stuff. Though considering he had a presence in a previous movie, this is forgivable.

And of course, the film has the controversial plot point of having a lot of the Jedi being executed by Clone Troopers. In other words, powerful space wizards with laser swords and super senses were easily eliminated by the precursors of the Stormtroopers. This can be justified somewhat by saying that the Clones were their allies and their surprise attack came when their guard was down. But then again, the movie shows there were plenty of opportunities for the Jedi to suspect something was wrong and attempt to retaliate, so the movie itself contradicts this theory. If Obi-Wan and Yoda could defend themselves from the Clones, why couldn’t Aayla Secura or Ki-Adi-Mundi? Fortunately, future expanded universe material revealed that there were several Jedi that managed to escape Order 66, and that Darth Vader and the Sith Inquisition later got involved to hunt down Jedi more efficiently, but in this movie on it’s own, the explanation is kind of lame.

The same problem happens when Mace Windu and the other masters face down against Palpatine. I know they probably weren’t expecting a 60-year-old politician to suddenly do a screaming spin-flip with a lightsaber, but nobody except for Mace even tries to defend themselves from being skewered. Not even my man Kit Fisto, probably my favorite “background Jedi.” A moment of silence for everyone’s favorite smiling Nautolan.

Kit Fisto
?? - 19 BBY
"He Smiled When No One Else Would"

But there are good things in this film, a surprising amount, in fact. The battles in this movie are the most impressive in the prequel trilogy, maybe even in the whole franchise. (I mean, the fight between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gonn, and Darth Maul from The Phantom Menace is still pretty badass.) The lightsaber battles really get prominence in this movie, with special mention given to the two ending battles: Palpatine vs. Yoda, and Anakin vs. Obi-Wan. In the former battle, it’s a battle on the Senate floor between one of the most powerful Sith masters and one of the most powerful Jedi masters. Palpatine’s shooting lightning and throwing floating platforms around, and Yoda retaliates with flips and sick lightsaber tricks of his own. It’s surprisingly engaging after a while.

The latter battle is what everyone is here for, though. Anakin against Obi-Wan. The final battle for Anakin’s soul among the fiery pits of Mustafar, with constantly shifting scenery and the very battlefield itself being a player in the struggle. When it’s not being peppered with cheesy, trying-way-to-hard-to-be-dramatic one-liners (“From my point of view, the Jedi are evil.”), it’s an emotionally charged final battle between master and apprentice, and more importantly, between friends. The fight choreography is pretty impressive between Christensen and McGregor, showing that the two Jedi Knights are equally matched with quick strikes constantly met by rapid parries. Even when Obi-Wan is delivering clichéd, flimsy dialogue after leaving Anakin to die, Ewan McGregor pretty much saves it with his emotional performance. For a moment, you don’t see George Lucas’ inhuman writing style. You see a man who has been forced to kill a man he calls brother, a man he has practically raised since he was a boy, a man he feels he has failed as he falls further into evil.

The same can’t be said for Christensen, as he sits there burning alive while screaming “I HATE YOU”, like the angriest three-year-old known to man. Though, in his defense, his performance as Darth Vader is pretty intimidating…when he doesn’t speak. When he’s standing there glaring with his evil sometimes-yellow-sometimes-not eyes, it can get pretty chilling at times. Especially when he kills those kids. Brr…

Other fun action set pieces include the opening battle over Coruscant, which includes high-flying spaceships doing battle with a bunch of new and inventive droid types. Opening with such a battle really makes this film start to stand out from the other prequels. It’s as if they’re saying “Listen, we know you guys didn’t like the politics, so we’re starting this one off with a bang instead.” Also, we get to see various other battles in the waning days of the Clone Wars, such as the battle on Kashyyk with various Wookiee warriors – including Chewbacca – fighting alongside the Clone Troopers and Yoda against the droids. After only seeing one badass Wookiee during the original trilogy (if one doesn’t count the Holiday Special), it’s pretty cool to see an entire army of walking carpets engaged in warfare against a common foe.

(Side note: Do you think Chewbacca ever got mad at Han for not believing in the Jedi since Chewie literally served alongside a Jedi during the Clone Wars? Also, is it bad that after this movie, I kind of see Han and Chewie’s relationship as similar to the Dude and Walter’s from The Big Lebowski? Han’s the sarcastic rogue who doesn’t believe in much, and Chewie’s the jaded war veteran. “This isn’t the Clone Wars, Han. There are rules!”)

I hate when people talk during the movie.

But the best scene in the movie – and quite possibly in the entire prequel trilogy – has to be the opera scene, or as it’s more commonly known, “the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise.” It has a surprisingly quiet atmosphere to highlight the captivatingly haunting performance by Ian McDiarmid. It has an engaging story that builds the world of Star Wars without resulting to boring political debates. It’s one of Anakin’s pivotal moments on his path to the Dark Side, and it’s given the gravitas it deserves. Like most things in this movie, the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise has found a home in meme circles on the internet, but that should not understate how awesome this scene really is.

Before I answer the big question, I’ll answer this one: Is Revenge of the Sith a good movie? I don’t think I can say it’s a great movie, but it is an okay movie. Which, given the quality of the other prequels, that’s saying quite a lot. It still falls victim to several of the same problems as the other prequels – the bad acting and dialogue, cringe-worthy romance subplot, and stuff that doesn’t add up to details in the original trilogy – but it also adds in more action, genuinely exciting moments, and some better performances than in either two previous prequels. And not to be biased, but Revenge of the Sith will always hold a special place in my heart as the first Star Wars movie I saw in theaters.

The real tragedy of Revenge of the Sith is that on a broad sense, the story is fine, only the details land it into mockery. The same can be said for the entire prequel trilogy, really. From a distance, the story of Anakin is intriguing: a tale of a slave boy from a backwater planet who is rescued by Jedi and trained to hone is great power, falls into a forbidden romance with a senator, and is eventually turned to the Dark Side to save the woman he loves. It’s only when we add in details like pointless politics and Anakin’s whiny characterization that the prequels begin to suck.

Also, when you think about it, Revenge of the Sith is really the only prequel you need to see to understand Anakin Skywalker’s fall to evil. This movie features all the necessary information you need to understand Anakin: he’s the former apprentice of Obi-Wan Kenobi, he’s a more emotional and vengeful Jedi, and he’s in a forbidden romance with Senator Amidala. Really, the previous two prequels are just padding and don’t really need to be watched at all. I mean, unless you really need context to Palpatine’s line about what happened between Anakin’s mother and the sand people, an explanation on Anakin’s family on Tattooine, or more screentime for Count Dooku.

"From my point of view, the Prequel Trilogy is bad."
"Well then you are lost!"

And now, the big answer. The superior prequel: Is it Revenge of the Sith, or Rogue One? Honestly, both of these movies are pretty close in my opinion. On the one hand, I think Revenge of the Sith is a better-structured film with a more satisfying climax, and doesn’t suffer by many of the problems that plagued Rogue One during reshoots. On the other hand, Rogue One doesn’t have nearly as horrible of dialogue, and while Revenge of the Sith does have awesome moments, they are constantly offset by stupid moments. Rogue One is most consistent with what kind of movie it wants to be. Also, Rogue One has that freaking awesome scene at the end with Darth Vader, which is far more badass than anything Vader does in Revenge of the Sith.

I think I’m going to have to give this debate to Rogue One, but only barely. They’re both on nearly the same playing field for me, but there were multiple points during Revenge of the Sith where I was thinking to myself “I wish I was watching Rogue One” or “Remember how cool Vader was in Rogue One?” But the cool parts of Revenge of the Sith should not be talked about lightly, and this debate is one that has rocked me to my very core. (Okay, not really. I mean, they’re just movies after all.)

Final verdict: 5.5/10.

In case anyone’s wondering, this means that my definitive ranking of Star Wars movies goes:

1)    The Empire Strikes Back

2)    A New Hope

3)    The Force Awakens

4)    Return of the Jedi

5)    Rogue One

6)    Revenge of the Sith

7)    The Phantom Menace

8)    Attack of the Clones

I’ll of course update this list when The Last Jedi earns its spot.