This Week in Westeros: "Stormborn" (Season 7, Episode 2)

WARNING: This Post is Dark and Full of SPOILERS

A.K.A. “The One Where Theon Goes for a Swim.”

The episode opens at Dragonstone, where Daenerys calls into question the loyalty of Varys. She brings up some good points. After all, Varys had conspired against monarchs in the past and had a hand to play in Dany’s attempted assassination. So why would she want someone as sneaky as that in her council? But Varys brings up some good points too, specifically how he never serves a ruler, but the people and what he thinks is best for them. It makes sense given Varys’ slavery upbringing and how close his ear always is to the streets. Dany also brings up her master plan for taking Westeros: Instead of nuking the country with her dragons – which would only leave ashes to rule over – the armies of Dorne, Highgarden, and the Iron Islands will attack King’s Landing, while the Unsullied and Dothraki take the source of the Lannisters’ power at Casterly Rock.

After that, Olenna gives Dany a pep talk about how she needs to stop acting like a sheep and start acting like a dragon. As far as I know, Daenerys has never really had a mother figure in her life. She’s had plenty of father figures – Jorah, Ser Barristan, and even Viserys in a twisted sense – but never a strong matronly voice to guide her. It’ll be interesting to see how this relationship unfolds.

Then Melisandre – whom we haven’t seen since Jon exiled her last season – comes to visit Dany. She informs the Mother of Dragons that she has a part to play in the wars to come, and along with Jon Snow, they make up the prophecy of “the Prince Who Was Promised.” I don’t really know why Melisandre kept switching between speaking in Common (English) and Valerian. It really only serves for a gag where the Valerian form of “Prince” is gender neutral, meaning a more literal translation would be “the Prince or Princess Who Was Promised.”

Oh, and Grey Worm and Missandei have sex. They are one of the more interesting couples on the show, especially since Grey Worm is a eunuch, so sex for them is…you know.

"The meeting of the 'We Hate Cersei' club will now come to order."

Over at Oldtown, Jorah’s greyscale treatment isn’t going so well. The Archmaester gives him 10 – 20 years left to live, but only about six months before the greyscale consumes his mind. Sam brings up his research and how he found two recorded cases of cured greyscale, but the Archmaester tells him that the technique is forbidden and dangerous. But Sam decides to do it anyway when he finds out Jorah is the son of former Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch Jeor Mormont. This is one of those details that I often forget because 1) this show has a ton of characters and it’s hard to keep track of everyone, and 2) Mormont being Lord Commander was so long ago. Anyway, Sam’s cure involves peeling the infected greyscaled skin off of Jorah, which starts off horrifying and disgusting, but then turns oddly humorous with Jorah’s expressions and dog-like howls of pain. But don’t worry, Jorah, because if the easter egg from last week’s episode is to be believed, ingesting ground-up dragonglass can cure greyscale. I’m beginning to think that dragonglass may be very important to several different characters this season.

At Winterfell, Jon receives a message from Tyrion inviting him to Dragonstone to meet with Daenerys. After receiving another message from Sam telling him about the mountain of dragonglass underneath the Targaryen stronghold, Jon decides to head out there. Literally none of his cohorts think this is a good idea, since all of them think it’s a trap due to their mistrust of the Targaryens. And with Jon leaving, he dubs Sansa as the ruler of Winterfell while he’s away. This scene has more of the conflict between Sansa and Jon’s political viewpoints, with Sansa being more cautious about this meeting since the last Targaryen who invited a Stark over to chat burned him alive. Jon’s more optimistic, but hopefully he’s not falling into the same pitfalls that Ned and Robb fell into by relying too much on their nobleness. But whatever, now we’ll be getting a Stark-Targayen family reunion.

At the Riverlands, Arya reunites with Hot Pie, who informs her that the Starks have taken Winterfell back from the Boltons and Jon has been named King in the North. This is apparently news to Arya. I get that she’s been out of Westeros for a while, but she already seemed to learn pretty quickly that Cersei had taken the throne for herself, so I don’t really know how something as been as a new King in the North never appeared on her news feed. This wasn’t something she picked up in a conversation with Sir Ed of House Sheeren? After that, she encounters a pack of wolves led by a direwolf that Arya recognizes as Nymeria, her wolf she abandoned way back in Season 1. It’s a contrived coincidence that she would just happen to stumble across her very same wolf in this random area after six seasons of separation, and it’s incredibly sappy, too. But it winds up being a heartbreaking moment, owing mostly to Maisie Williams’ performance. The wolf abandons her just as she abandoned her. And she even says, after the wolf leaves, “It’s not you.” So the ambiguity of whether or not that was Nymeria helps to stomach this coincidence better.

Nymeria ur doin me a frighten, doggo

At King’s Landing, Cersei rallies her lords and bannermen – including Randyll Tarly, Sam’s father – about the incoming attack by Daenerys and her army. During a conversation with Jaime, Randyll says how the Tarlys have always been loyal to the Tyrells of Highgarden, and wouldn’t turn on them even for the queen. This scene made me respect Lord Randyll a little bit. In the only bits we’ve seen of him, he’s acted like a colossal asshat towards his least favorite son, but at least he’s a loyal and noble asshat. However, Jaime’s oh-so-sweet promise of offering him the title of Warden of the South may end up causing the Tarlys to betray their alliance to the Tyrells. After that, Qyburn takes Cersei down to the dungeons of the Red Keep to reveal his plan for defeating Daenerys’ dragons: a giant crossbow. Well, technically it’s a ballista, but “giant crossbow” just sounds cooler. And then they demonstrate its effectiveness by spearing a dragon skull. Didn’t plan on the Lannisters having a countermeasure against an unstoppable force like the dragons, but I guess I underestimated Cersei’s paranoia and craftiness.

And on her ship heading towards Dorne, Yara and her fleet are ambushed by Euron’s. What follows is the season’s first big battle, and it’s a doozy. Ship-to-ship combat, with Ironborn warriors boarding Ironborn ships to brutalize Ironborn warriors. The Greyjoys haven’t had much focus in…well, ever, but this episode showed where their skills lie: on the sea. The battle is bloody and brutal, headed by the crazy berserker pirate that is Euron Greyjoy. While the rapid editing and quick camerawork help showcase the brutality of the battle, sometimes the shaky-cam and quick edits make it hard to figure out what’s going on and who’s battle who. Then again, this has always been a problem with me with nighttime battles. Also, Euron runs the risk here of being presented as an unreasonably tough villain, as he takes, like, a lot of stabbings and doesn’t even seem phased.

By the end of it, countless soldiers under Yara are dead, their fleet – Daenerys’ fleet – has sunk, and two of the Sand Snakes have been murdered by Euron’s hand. Which, if you had unpleasant feelings towards them after Season 5’s polarizing Dorne subplot, this was probably the best part of the episode. And as Euron holds a knife to Yara’s throat and taunts Theon to come and save her, Theon abandons ship, as well as his sister. People have apparently had problems with this act, as it undoes a lot of character development Theon has had since escaping from Ramsay. People think that he should have proved his heroism and saved Yara. But here’s the thing: this is Game of Thrones. It’s not every other high fantasy show; it’s more realistic. Theon had gone through torturous act after torturous act under Ramsay. He’s not the same man he used to be. He’s utterly broken, even after being released from Ramsay’s control for as long as he has. When presented with the stress of the ambush and Euron threatening his sister’s life, of course he’s going to have an emotional breakdown and try to escape. I’m predicting he’ll probably have some atonement at point later in the season, but for right now he is – as Euron puts it – a “cockless coward.”

Plus, I never really liked Theon, so if he continues to act like human garbage, I’m not really going to care too much.

"You will always remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow."

Season 7 continues on a high note with “Stormborn.” We’re getting a lot of new alliances and interactions from character combinations we’d never seen before, like Sansa and Olenna, Sam and Jorah, and Jon and Littlefinger. You know you have a good show when you can take any two characters, but them in a situation together, and it’ll be interesting no matter what. The battle at the end with Euron was definitely the highlight of the episode. Not only did it give the Ironborn time to shine, but it was a pretty good surprise to end the episode on. Now with Yara and the rest of the Sand Snakes kidnapped by Euron, I’m interested to see if this is the “gift” he promised Cersei. And Jon will be meeting Dany, so there’s plenty to be exicted for come next Sunday. Unfortunately, there was nothing on the storylines for the Hound or Bran in this episode; disappointing because of the good stuff we got with the Hound last week and how we didn’t really get anything of substance with Bran and Meera at the Wall. (And did none of Jon’s friends at Castle Black even think to send him a letter about his own brother being with them?) But these storylines probably have less scenes to them, and will probably be spread throughout the season. Let’s just hope Bran doesn’t go missing for a whole season again like he did with Season 5.

Final verdict: 8/10.

So anyone else watch this show and randomly get wistful over characters that have died? Like, for instance, I miss Balon Greyjoy. He never did much, but at least the Iron Islands weren’t fighting each other when he was around. *sigh*

This Week in Westeros: "Dragonstone" (Season 7, Episode 1)

WARNING: This Post is Dark and Full of SPOILERS

So after the bombastic finale of Season 6, Game of Throne’s Season 7 has a lot to live up to. So, let’s see how the first episode pans out.

For those of you who need it, here’s a quick recap of where Season 6 left our characters. Cersei had used the Mad King’s wildfire caches to blow up the Sept of Baelor, killing everyone inside, including the High Sparrow, Lancel, and the Tyrells (minus Olenna). Because of this, Tommen jumped to his death, leaving Cersei as the ruler of Westeros. The Hound had found new allies with the Brotherhood Without Banners. Arya had started using her stolen Face/Off powers to kill those who wronged her family, starting with Walder Frey. Bran had become the new Three-Eyed Raven and discovered that Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen had a secret child: Jon Snow, who was currently being crowned the new King in the North. Danaerys had FINALLY set sail for Westeros, having allied herself with Theon and Yara Greyjoy, the Sand Snakes, and Olenna Tyrell. Oh, and winter is finally here.

So, with that done, what’s starting to happen in Season 7?

The episode opens with Arya, now disguised as Walder Frey, singlehandedly killing the remaining Freys “who mean a damn” using poisoned wine. Admittedly, it was kind of predictable what was going on long before Walder rips off his fake face, but it was still highly enjoyable to watch Arya doing what she does best: revenge.

After that, Arya encounters a group of Lannister soldiers camping in the woods, including one played by Ed Sheeren, who of course shows off his singing talents. Not gonna lie, I couldn’t really stop giggling every time he was on screen. The sheer absurdity of seeing Ed Sheeren in medieval armor was just jarring. He wasn’t really bad at all; I just couldn’t see the character, only Ed Sheeren. I don’t know how much he’ll be in this season, but it feels like this could be more than just a mere cameo.

The rest of the scene shows that these soldiers are rather sympathetic individuals, with wants, needs, and their own lives. They even show a surprising amount of hospitality to Arya, a complete stranger, with no knowledge that she’s the daughter of one of their enemy houses. It does well to show that even though these men may serve evil forces, they’re still humans and not necessarily bad themselves, just doing their jobs. Hopefully this is a recurring theme throughout the season for Arya, as her roaring rampage of revenge causes her to pause a few moments to think whether or not killing the lackeys of the people that wronged her is the same as killing those people themselves.

When your legs don't work like they used to before
Hodor will sweep you off of your feet

In the North, Jon and Sansa continue their planning for Jon’s “King in the North 2017” campaign. The issue comes up of some of the Northern houses who betrayed the Starks – namely the Karstarks and Umbers – and Jon, along with several of his cohorts, believe that their castles should be burned to the ground. Sansa reminds them that the castles themselves did nothing and they can’t afford to lose strongholds right now. Then she convinces Jon to allow the surviving heirs to the Karstarks and Umbers to pledge their loyalty to Jon as penance, as the children of traitors do not necessarily reflect the actions of the traitors themselves. I really love the kind of political mind Sansa has evolved into, and it’s clear that she has learned a lot from her time with Littlefinger. However, it’s also this tutledge that will most likely widen he divide already created between her and Jon, as the two have different viewpoints on how the North should be run. This also serves as a nice parallel to the lessons Arya learns with the Lannister soldiers, all of the “sins of the fathers are not the sins of the sons” stuff.

At the Wall, Bran and Meera finally show up and are finally taken in. Bran proves his worth to Edd by using his magic psychic eyes to show the past with the Battle of Hardhome. That’s about it for this plotline for the episode.

In King’s Landing, Cersei and Jaime talk about Cersei going off the deep end and how with the enemies they’ve created after the Green Trial, they’re not really in control of all of the Seven Kingdoms anymore. But then Euron Greyjoy stops by to pledge his loyalty and ships to Cersei…only for Cersei to dismiss him because she doesn’t trust him. Honestly, who can blame her? But this is a typical Cersei move. She’s not doing what’s wise politically, but she refuses to admit that she’s not in a position to be shooing away potential allies willy-nilly. But Euron says he’s going to return with a gift to prove his worth to her, so this definitely won’t be the last we see of him. We didn’t have a whole lot of Euron last season, but from the brief scene we had this week, I’m starting to like Euron a little more. He shows he’s a heartless sociopath – with his admiration of Jaime killing Greyjoy soldiers during the Greyjoy Rebellion – and that he clearly has no fear mocking the Kingslayer and is not intimidated at all by the FrankenMountain. Euron could prove to be a very intriguing player this season. Also, I feel like Jaime should be more pissed at Cersei over what she did last season, but hopefully the rest of the season will get to show this.

Over in Oldtown, we see what Sam had been up to after starting his internship with the maesters: scrubbing toilets. The rapid editing of the “Sam’s job sucks” montage was humorous, and it was nice that the Archmaester (played by Professor Slughorn from Harry Potter) is one of the few people who believe Sam actually encountered and killed a White Walker, simply by using logic and facts to realize Sam is telling the truth. But Sam’s life could get way more interesting, as he takes a book from the maesters’ restricted section of the library (okay, now they’re just blatantly referencing Harry Potter now that they have Slughorn aboard) that tells him there’s a mountain of dragonglass underneath Dragonstone, the very same mineral Jon desperately needs to fight the White Walkers. Needless to say, we probably won’t see a whole lot of Oldtown this season, since Sam’s probably going to leave to help Jon or whoever. But hey, Jorah’s in Oldtown too, seeking medical attention for his rapidly progressing greyscale infection. So maybe Sam will be joined by Rock Zombie Jorah to fight White Walkers. That would be pretty cool.

"I'm here to drink wine and love my children.
*takes a long sip*
And I'm all out of children."

Over with the Hound, the Brotherhood Without Banners stops to rest at an abandoned house, the same house the Hound and Arya stopped at in Season 4, the one with the father and daughter that the Hound robbed. Yeah, now they’re dead. It’s a touching part of the episode, showing off the Hound’s humanity as he regrets the fate of the family and buries them himself. (Let’s just hope they stay dead in the ground.) The Hound also realizes that Thoros’ fire magic stuff isn’t all BS, as he looks into the flames to see horrific events yet to come involving the White Walkers. Apparently, they’ll be attacking one of the Night’s Watch’s strongholds…the same one Jon is sending Tormund and others to. Whoops. I’m not sure if I really like the part with the Hound looking into the fire, as I felt he started to believe in this magic stuff way too easily. I was honestly waiting for him to finish his spiel about what he was seeing, and then turn to Berric and say that he was messing with him the whole time to mock his god. Also, how exactly does the fire-seeing work? Do you have to be magic to see visions? Can anyone see visions? Is the fire magic? The rules are very vague and I wish they’d clarify.

And at Dragonstone, the ancient home of the Targaryen lineage, Daenerys and her fleet finally land, taking back the castle for the dragons. It’s really awe-inspiring to see Daenerys finally back at her birthplace, and it’s cool to finally see more of Dragonstone aside from the war room where Stannis and Melisandre made shadow babies. And considering the information Sam discovered about Dragonstone, Daenerys and Jon may come to odds when he presumably tries to mine her ancestral home for weapons against the White Walkers.

Speaking of which, the White Walkers’ zombie army now includes undead giants. Yeah, humanity is screwed. How much are you guys betting on seeing a zombie Hodor at some point?

So overall, this was a pretty good season opener. We learned a lot about where our characters are going this season and what they’ll be doing, and they moved around pieces more than I thought they were going to. Not really has happened with the plotlines for Bran and Daenerys in this episode, but at least they’ve both gotten someplace where they can set up for this season. Basically, everything has a good start for where this story is going.

When you go back to your hometown and everything looks way worse than you remember.

Final verdict: 7.5/10

So can we just have one episode this season where Ed Sheeren sings the theme song?

Matt Reviews: Dracula vs. Hitler (by Patrick Sheane Duncan)

A different kind of Batman V Superman.

(Because Dracula is often associated with bats and Hitler’s subscribed to Frederich Nietzsche’s philosophy of the Übermensch, or “superman”.)

(Eh, forget it. I ruined the joke by explaining it.)

Set forty years after the events of Bram Stoker’s Dracula (or rather, the “real” events that were somewhat butchered by Stoker’s novelization), Professor Van Helsing and his daughter Lucy have become active participants in World War II. They have allied themselves with guerilla forces in Rumania – including Jonathan Harker, grandson of the original Harker from Dracula – to take down the Nazi occupation there. But they soon realize that they do not have the resources or powers to take down one of the strongest military forces in the world, so the good professor rationalizes that in order to defeat one monster, they must unleash another. And so, the Van Helsings and their allies make a pact with Abraham’s old foe: Dracula himself.

Much like the original Dracula novel, Dracula vs. Hitler forgoes the traditional chapter book style of storytelling in favor of telling the story through journal entries, private diaries, Nazi military reports, and excerpts from an unfinished novel. Not only does this style of storytelling make it much more unique than other modern novels like it, it helps add to the “this all really happened” vibe that Patrick Sheane Duncan works so hard to create. I always like fictional stories that take the standpoint of “These are true events that have unfolded. Pay no attention to the fact that this is in the ‘Fiction’ section at Barnes & Noble.” With the prologue of Duncan’s discovering of this “true” tale through forgotten government files, he does a great job of building up imaginary credibility to this account.

This choice of nontraditional storytelling also allows us to get a pretty good range of perspectives through a variety of journal entries and other private thoughts. Over the course of the 500-and-some pages, we get to see the story through the eyes and accounts of Abraham Van Helsing, Lucy Van Helsing, Jonathan Harker, Nazi officer Waltraud Reikel, and even Adolf Hitler himself. Parts of the story will go from Lucy’s unpublished novel describing her struggles to find a place in a male-dominated war, to Harker’s inexperienced musings about what he thinks war will actually be, to Hitler’s journal entries on his philosophies of immortality and what he ate for lunch that day. It gives a surprising amount of humanity to a wide range of characters. You really feel like you’re getting inside their heads to see what makes them tick, effectively providing the book with many interesting, three-dimensional viewpoint characters. Though, as a consequence to the book, this does mean that we pretty much know who’s going to survive each section of the book, as logic dictates they wouldn’t be able to finish their private entries if they had died.

Though sometimes these accounts do get flogged down with unnecessary repetition, particularly in the accounts from Harker. He’s infatuated with Lucy from the moment he meets her, and after the two have a one night stand early in the novel, he can’t stop thinking about how they’re destined to be together. It gets old fast, especially when there’s a war going on around him and all he can talk about is how lovely Lucy looks. I get that he’s young and impressionable when it comes to love, but there’s bigger stakes here than your broken heart, dude. Every time this repetitive romantic entanglement got brought up, I just rolled my eyes and wished it would cut back to the Nazi-killing vampire.

Speaking of which, the most interesting character is by far Dracula himself. Fitting, since he’s half the title of the book. He presents himself as this noble, romantic gentleman, with a savage side buried barely skin-deep that’s bursting to come out. His struggle throughout the book is one of redemption, trying to keep this beast at bay to clench onto what shreds of humanity remain. Admittedly, I didn’t quite buy it at first that a monster like Dracula could reform and become a more noble being with remorse for his murderous past, but you really grow to like and sympathize with the vampire over the course of the novel. Even though I disliked much of the romance that was in the book, his relationship with Lucy was something to admire. It’s definitely twisted in a kind of dark Beauty and the Beast kind of way, but also kind of genuine and mystifying in how well they compliment each other. It’s a real shame that he’s the one main character who we don’t get a first-hand account from, as I would have found Dracula’s first-person perspective on the story to be incredibly informative.

Despite the book being over 500 pages long, I still feel there’s some things the book could have expanded upon. At several times, Lucy makes references to her practices with the dark arts, but nothing really comes of it. Sure, she uses subtle magic in the story here and there, but it never becomes integral to the plot. There’s also some references to Dracula’s real-life history, as the story makes it clear that this Dracula is the same Vlad Tepes Dracula that became known as “Vlad the Impaler.” While they make references to his brutal rule and horrific past, I feel that a first-person point of view from the vampire himself would have elaborated upon this point in his life to better satiate those history buffs out there. And the ending leaves something to be desired. After everything that happens, it just kind of ends without a ton of fanfare. There’s an epilogue, but it’s not much. We don’t even get full closure on the ending whereabouts of our protagonists. Maybe there’s a sequel in the works, but I definitely need just a little bit more of these characters to see where they ended up.

Overall, Dracula vs. Hitler was a surprising read, not like the flashy B-movie suggested by its striking title. Hitler’s doesn’t even show up in the story until about the halfway point, but I guess Dracula vs. Hitler is a much better title than Dracula vs. A Bunch of Random Nazi Redshirts. When it’s not giving us in-depth looks into our main characters’ motivations, beliefs, and psyches, it’s a gritty war novel that throws in just the right amount of supernatural. The action is bloody and violent, especially when Dracula gets involved in the conflict himself. I’d highly recommend it to anyone who likes historical fiction and gothic horror. And for those of you who need your vampire romance fix, this book has a much better human-immortal love story than Twilight.

Final verdict: 8.5/10

But just think about the new sub-genre this book has opened up: horror movie monsters fighting historical dictators! What could be next? Wolfman vs. Stalin? The Invisible Man vs. Castro? Kim Jong-il vs. The Bride of Frankenstein? The possibilities are endless!